Grace Greater than Fear

When, by God’s grace, I stopped running, blaming, denying, and minimizing, I began recovering from my addiction to porn.

In the beginning, I was afraid of my sexuality. I was afraid of acting out, or relapsing. I was afraid of hurting my wife again. I was afraid that because I had admitted that I was a sex addict that meant I was uniquely damaged and disturbed. I was afraid that if left unchecked, my problem with porn would escalate to affairs, prostitutes, or possibly even a sex crime.

Before I came clean, I felt doomed to live with this struggle and fight it alone. As I saw it, I would either wind up married, miserable, and monogamous, or a pathetic, 50 year-old “playa” hitting on cheer-leaders, or I would go to the “dark side” and show up on a Dateline Special Report.

In any case, I didn’t believe there was hope for purity. Purity was misery because lust was so much fun! I certainly didn’t believe there existed communities of blessed and courageous men pursuing their own recovery from sexual sin. And more so, I didn’t believe that a godly life could be led with anything approaching joy and peace. I saw black and white; damned if I lived for lust, or miserable if I tried to be a “good boy”.

Fear kept me in bondage and in secrecy. Denial kept me believing that porn was no big deal. Pride kept me believing I could handle it on my own. And the grace of Jesus Christ broke through those webs of deceit… amazing love.

The tragedy is how this cancer thrives in secret, and yet keeps so many of us locked in secrecy.

CNN) -- An evangelical preacher killed his wife several years ago and
stuffed her body in a freezer after she caught him abusing their daughter,
according to police and court documents.

Anthony Hopkins, 37, was arrested Monday night at the Inspirational Tabernacle Church of God in Christ in Jackson, Alabama, just after he had delivered a sermon to a congregation that included his seven other children, officials said.

He faces charges including murder, rape, sodomy, sexual abuse and incest.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/07/31/preacher.freezer/index.html

Grace and Peace,

Job